What a difference a week makes. Last week was no short of incredible. I felt God all around me the entire week. Just a closeness like I havent felt in a long time.
Then I came down off the mountain.
Sunday, I went to Westridge as normal and just wasn’t into it. The message was about when its ok to be angry, the music was just so so. Nothing to write home about. Then I went home and slept most of the day, paid bills, balanced check book. Just a really down depressing day. I felt like I was all alone, again. I was looking at the same four walls I had looked at for a year, and I was STILL alone.
So, as usual, I reached out. I called Kari and she built me up as usual. We seem to know just what to say to pick the other one up. Last week it was me picking her up and now she is doing the same for me. You would think that two friends who are as passionate for Christ that we are, and probably the two biggest third day fans on the planet, would end up together. Thats not what either of us know God uses us for. Even though she picked me up a bit, I was still way down. So, Sunday night I went to bed earlier than normal but had trouble sleeping.
Monday started off just like Sunday, except I had to drag myself to work. A chore that becomes less and less enjoyable everyday. I love my job and the people I work with, but the drive and the environment add to the problems in my life.
So last night, I called Dwayne. We had made a pact to be accountability partners several weeks ago when Loren preached on accountability. I laid all my cards out. I felt alone, I was tired of it, I didnt know what God wanted me to do, struggles in my life, etc.
It was just what I needed to do.
And Dwayne didnt hold back.
He basically built me right back up. He told me that I was such an example to him because whenever I face adversity in my life, I turn it over to God. My problem is that I turn it over only once I realize that I cant face it or fix it alone. That I still struggle every day, especially at work. I work in a high stress environment and before I know it, I am cursing worse than a sailor out at sea.
Dwayne gave me the scripture James 1:5-6 ”
5If you need wisdom–if you want to know what God wants you to do–ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. 6But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. ”
He challenged me to make that scripture my own in my quiet time. To ask God for wisdom and to pray that God said if I asked for wisdom He had to give it to me because that is what He said He would do in His word. Then as the phone call ended, Dwayne prayed for me. There are no words to describe what his friendship means to me. Like I told him last night, we started in a small group and it never ends.
So in my prayer last night, I read James 1 back to God and asked for what He wanted me to do. God gave it right back to me. As I read the rest of James, it talks about controlling your tongue, being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. Things I deal with every day at work. Dwayne even told me that maybe God has me here at my job to be an example to others. Something I haven’t been very good at but I cant help but think that this is what God is wanting me to focus on. Controlling my anger, stress, and what I say. He is telling me to become the example.
So this morning, I came in and made a huge ‘X’ and hung it over my door. No one has asked me what it means yet, but what it reminds me to do, is to work all day long, to be the eXample of what God wants me to be.
Today, I’m climbing back up the mountain side…..