Today I went back to Mountain Lake Community Church for the first time in who knows how long. It was so great to see my old friends who are still there. David met us at the door just like we were there yesterday and then Jim came out and talked with us for a bit too. But then as we got in even more people came up to me and were hugging me and telling me how good it was to see me so that was great. I got to talk to Shawn and Chad for about 15 seconds. Man are those guys busy on Sunday. I looked for Sharron especially just to see her if I didnt see anyone the rest of the day. The smile on her face when she saw me made the long drive worth it. I was so glad to see her. Some people just hold a special place in your heart and her, Jim and Jamie really do. Then the worship began and it was great too. They have a new worship leader since I was there last and it was really good. What jumped out and started things off with a bang is Shawn began his message by riding in on a Harley. Pretty awesome way to get your attention but it really tied into the message. A message that I needed to hear. All about what drives you. I got to thinking what drives me and without a second I knew it was work and success. I work WAAAAAAAY too much. That is about to change. I am going to reclaim my life whatever it takes.So it took a buddy coming in to town to make sure that I was going because as soon as I got up, I didnt want to go but Tim did so off we went. And it was a message that I needed to hear.
Well, this has been a busy week and its only Tuesday night. My phone has been ringing almost none stop at work. Tech;s can’t get me on the phone and I can’t get a break either. I don’t know how I will get everything done this week. Fortunately I am not on call until next weekend. And by next weekend, my new niece should be here by then so life will have a whole new meaning. Even
though it’s not my own, if I have half the relationship that I have with Blake it will be greater than I could imagine. I have a new toy that I can’t wait to work on. I am just waiting on the bill of sale to come through. Chris found a CB 750 in great shape and with a little work, it could be something kewl. Now if I could just get him to GET THE BILL OF SALE so that I will know its mine. Then begins the long process….ad….title….switch…this…that…who knows what else.
I talked to Shawn tonight and told him that I was thinking of coming back to MLCC. He said that was awesome and that they would love to have me back. I’m just waiting to see what doors open next and to see what happens.
You are my strength…
Now that I have some time and my journal is back up and running, maybe I will keep it up a bit more now.
Probably not but it sounds good.
Yesterday was horrible. From the moment that I woke up, it only got worse. I overslept until almost 6:30 so I didnt make it to work until 7:20 (but thats ok because I was there until almost 6.) Then it was busier than most Mondays usually are and to top things off, I had to go to a gripe and complain lunch because I did not answer 3 emails. I mean really, I only had 37 emails, faxes and
voice mails yesterday when I got back from lunch so what made her 3 so important.
Tempers flared, voices were raised. I finally turned my chair, toned her out and watched sports center. It was a free lunch. Who am I to complain. When I got back the more I thought about it, the madder that I got. I jumped all over a co worker and made yet another cry. And it wasnt even 3 pm yet. So unlike me.
Around 6:30 when I finally got home, I immediately grabbed Captain Morgans and made me a drink. I got about 2 sips of it and realized I was doing it again. But by this time, Third Day was playing “Your Love Oh Lord” and that made me realize what I was doing, was wrong. It didnt solve the problem. It didnt make me feel any better. It really wasnt all that good either. So why was I doing it.
I was determined to make today better. I started the day off with a few goals in mind. 1 – I started the day in prayer….2 – I was going to be more professional and not swear as much. To make a long day short…..today was much better. I didnt get as uptight. I didnt swear as much. Maybe tomorrow I will start out in prayer again….(joke, of course I will) I have realized a few things lately that tend to bring me down. The closest that I have felt to God since being in Atlanta (or ever) was when I was in the home groups at MLCC. Danny, Derrick and I called each other. We prayed for and with each other. I was close to a lot of other people as well. I never felt that close to anyone at the Vineyard, but always like the old guy at the club.
Freedom has never given me a feeling of closeness with anyone so it cant even compare to the Vineyard. So I have been considering going back to MLCC next weekend as I will be back in Bama this weekend for my mom’s birthday. I will put that decision in God’s hands. If He wants me to go back there, he will open the door again. If not, He will open another. This will give me time to get my head straight, my heart right. And it will let me clear out some junk that I have floating around in my head.
“You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all.”
A New Opportunity
Once again, a long time since a post. Well again, a lot has happened. I started the new job after being laid off and it just never felt right. The engineer that I was working for was a little shall we say “out there”. A nice guy, but it was difficult to work for him. However, it was a job and I was thankful to have it. Then coming home one night, a former employer of mine called and told me
he had an “opportunity” with his company that I would be perfect for. To make a long story short, I am now going into my third month working for an up and coming HVAC company. I am working my A$$ off, but I love it. I stay busy all the time now and I have 12 technicians that work for me. A little different than I’m used to, but I will adapt. My personal life has gone to crap in a handbasket but I’m too busy with work to worry about it. Well…at least part of it. See, when I get to thinking about these same four walls over and over, it depresses the absolute HELL out of me. So, as I have done in the past, I started drinking a little more than usual. Then I began drinking A LOT. I didn’t realize it until
a good friend pointed it out to me, that my life had now become one bar, one drink right after another. She reminded me that I needed to get a grip. People my age don’t go out drinking just to see how torn up they can get. I just thought she was crazy….Until Saturday. You see, Friday night some friends came over and we got really bad messed up. Its nothing that I am bragging about. (Its actually pretty embarrassing, but I treat this as almost therapy) So Saturday when I woke up, feeling like a truck had just backed over me twice, I realized that she was right. She had told me that I lost who I was and I was
trying to find me. The more that I thought about it, the more it made me mad because she was right. I searched for things that I was about and nothing came to mind. Then I just did a lot of soul searching. I came to Atlanta to find myself and I thought that I had. And I had found who I was, I just forgot it. I forgot it because I put too many things in the way. I realized that the person I am, is one who is involved in church, who seeks God, who enjoys the company of those with the same goals and beliefs that I have.
So last night, I began my quest to get back to good. My quest to get back involved in church, to get back to God, AGAIN. I poured out all the remaining alcohol in my apartment, put Third Day, John Tesh, and Passion back in the CD changer and made plans to go to church this morning. Well as usual, morning came and I didnt want to go. I didnt really know WHERE to go. I dont have a church home right now. Freedom has never felt like home. Plus it and Mountain Lake are just way too far for me to drive and get involved. I didnt want to go to Northpoint because last time it just seemed to watered down and I didnt get anything out of it. Plus Andy was talking about God and your Bod. Just what I didnt want to hear. But when I went to their website, it had a part one message of Louie. If there is a part one, surely there will be a part 2. I got a shower and dressed for Northpoint hoping Louie was speaking. And man did he ever. What an awesome message he gave about “The guilt trip is over” talking about the guilt of sin. I really needed to hear that since I have been feeling pretty guilty about the way I have been living lately.
So to end a long blog, I am realizing every day, life is what you make of it. And its time for me to make better choices. After all, we
aren’t guaranteed the next breath.
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