Now that I have some time and my journal is back up and running, maybe I will keep it up a bit more now.
Probably not but it sounds good.
Yesterday was horrible. From the moment that I woke up, it only got worse. I overslept until almost 6:30 so I didnt make it to work until 7:20 (but thats ok because I was there until almost 6.) Then it was busier than most Mondays usually are and to top things off, I had to go to a gripe and complain lunch because I did not answer 3 emails. I mean really, I only had 37 emails, faxes and
voice mails yesterday when I got back from lunch so what made her 3 so important.
Tempers flared, voices were raised. I finally turned my chair, toned her out and watched sports center. It was a free lunch. Who am I to complain. When I got back the more I thought about it, the madder that I got. I jumped all over a co worker and made yet another cry. And it wasnt even 3 pm yet. So unlike me.
Around 6:30 when I finally got home, I immediately grabbed Captain Morgans and made me a drink. I got about 2 sips of it and realized I was doing it again. But by this time, Third Day was playing “Your Love Oh Lord” and that made me realize what I was doing, was wrong. It didnt solve the problem. It didnt make me feel any better. It really wasnt all that good either. So why was I doing it.
I was determined to make today better. I started the day off with a few goals in mind. 1 – I started the day in prayer….2 – I was going to be more professional and not swear as much. To make a long day short…..today was much better. I didnt get as uptight. I didnt swear as much. Maybe tomorrow I will start out in prayer again….(joke, of course I will) I have realized a few things lately that tend to bring me down. The closest that I have felt to God since being in Atlanta (or ever) was when I was in the home groups at MLCC. Danny, Derrick and I called each other. We prayed for and with each other. I was close to a lot of other people as well. I never felt that close to anyone at the Vineyard, but always like the old guy at the club.
Freedom has never given me a feeling of closeness with anyone so it cant even compare to the Vineyard. So I have been considering going back to MLCC next weekend as I will be back in Bama this weekend for my mom’s birthday. I will put that decision in God’s hands. If He wants me to go back there, he will open the door again. If not, He will open another. This will give me time to get my head straight, my heart right. And it will let me clear out some junk that I have floating around in my head.
“You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all.”